I think I'm guilty of a few of these. Better to realise now rather than later

I'm shocked that my boyfriend does many of these things listed. But can the abuse only continue of you allow it? I constantly nip all of these bad behaviors in the butt as soon as I recognize them. I'm not someone you can manipulate and I strongly believe that I've made that clear I my boyfriend. Once you get passed what I call "his insecurities" he is truly a great guy I can see myself being with in the long run. I blame his past relationships, because I think that's where he picked up these bad habits. Does anyone have any experience with changing their own bad habits, such as the ones listed above, or their partners ? HELP!

My ex was like that. Always putting me down, always asking me to lend him money and never paying me back. Always saying nasty things about my family and being so two-faced. Being nice to my face in public and then being nasty in private. He put me through hell for almost 5 years. Thank God it's over between us both but it made me feel so scared about trusting someone again. I hated all men for a while until now. I've finally found someone who doesn't have a bad bone in his body but who is just full of love for me. Always caring, understanding, everything that I've ever wanted in a man. I feel so blessed that I've found him and I never can imagine going through all the hell my ex put me through. I won't ever forget it but it will always be a life lesson I'll always learn.

Hi ladies. I just wanted to share with you that this post really was an eye opener, so much that I did break things off with my boyfriend of 10 months. I first packed all my thing and secretly took them from his place, then I told him we were on a break on a Saturday morning, and the very next Saturday I met him to break up with him in person at a restaurant. I was surprised that he had written me a 14 page letter explaining why he understood that I was breaking up with him and all of his faults that he desperately needed to work on. I had never seen him cry or beg so hard for another chance although we had apart broken up several times for his emotionally abusive personality and insecurities. Despite all he had put me through something deep down in my gut that had once told me I should leave him, was now telling me that I was making the wrong choice. I felt that knot in my throat kind of feeling and I decided to re-read his letter full of ideas that would help fix our relationship. I gave him another chance and I have not regretted it yet. We have been back together for the last 3 weeks and it's been magical. We are open with each other, he is so damn sweet and affectionate (something he struggled with before), he has begun seeing a therapist to aid him in over coming past personal struggles as well as healing wounds from past relationships. His best idea was to tell each other each day something we like about one another and something about our past, and it's really done wonders for us. I know that we will have arguments like any other relationship, but we are willing to communicate things that bother each other and it's very helpful. He is trying so hard to change his ways, and I can tell that this man wants to serve me the world on a silver platter. If this isn't love then I'm not sure I'll ever know what it is, we truly make each other want to be better human beings. PS - I showed him this article the day we met at a restaurant to break up and to my surprise he didn't deny any of the things listed... I guess that's how I knew that there was hope. I hope that he will be my "Happy Ending."

*list

I'm 27 and I've been seeing someone consistently but on and off for a year now; he's 10 years older than me but I'm pretty mature for my age so I never saw age as a factor in our relationship. I noticed along the way my guy had a lot of hurt inside of him and he dealt with things in heightened level of anger or emotion. If I didn't call him at the end of the night and instead of him just calling me he would call and start an argument on why I didn't call him, stating I must not care to speak to him, etc. In the beginning he was a blessing in disguise. He built me up and showed me how I deserved to be treated like a princess or queen that I am. Put me first and that was something I wasn't use to in my past relationships, but as our connection grew and relationship continued to move forward we would get into irrational arguments over the most dumbest things, for instance if he says the sky is blue and I say well no not right now it's a bit grey, he goes from 0-10 and it turns into me over thinking something or being extra. We're now at a point where he puts me down for things I don't do for him or calls me selfish. When we're good were good, we get along great he makes me laugh, made me feel very comfortable early on and I can talk to him about anything except when I say something that he thinks sounds dumb or doesn't make sense. He makes it his job to get upset about it and make sure I know it's dumb and doesn't make sense. In the end making me feel crappy and my spirit broken because we were just happy now we're in a situation. He's good guy with a really big heart and I think the passion in him comes off strong and the people in his life before me have enabled him to think how he handles things are okay because they back down from him instead of correcting him. I have a big mouth and I use it; if I feel a way I will speak on it and that's where we differ. I know I challenge who he is because as much as he doesn't want to explain himself or his actions he does time and time again. I know he cares for me deeply, but I also know he has some work to do with himself as well. I think I've finally reached a point to walk away from him for good without giving into my feelings. Just hoping that my absence in his life will make him see his faults and take accountability to make a change for the better for himself, possibly for me or possibly for the next woman that walks into his life.

When a person is in such relationship and they have kids it gets waaaay worse couse it effect the kids alot znd they treat there children the same way unfortunatly

My dad

@vanity hey, I read your post and just thought a word from experience might help. I have been with a man with all of the above characteristics listed above for almost 2 years, he was my first boyfriend and I gave in to him for everything to make him happy, always felt like I was walking on eggshells. Initiating the break up is hard, and trust me I understand that, but believe me, they don't change. Even if they tell you they have, it's only about time until they snap back into the same cycle because it is who they are. And the thing you mentioned about your GUT, it's true, pay attention to it, don't ignore it, I did and it left me heart broken in ways I can't explain. Don't be afraid about making a mistake, Cus even if it is one, it's still your life and you get to choose what you do with it! I hope it helped a little bit, good luck! :)

@vanity : To be honest, only he has the power to change his habits. I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship and he never wanted to get better. I had to be the one who made all the changes. (Even though it wasn't all my fault.) I don't have the experience of someone changing their habits but generally most abusers don't. My ex's dad was (and I imagine still is) emotionally abusive and that's where my ex learned those habits. So unless he comes to you and tells you he's getting counselling to get better, take his words with a grain of salt for now. I wish I had better advice to give you.