Never Say These Things to a Depressed Friend or Loved One ...

Even though you're just trying to help, there are some things not to say to a depressed friend or loved one. Despite your best intentions, it just makes them feel worse. That doesn't mean you can't talk to them. Instead, just try to avoid some of the most common things not to say to a depressed friend. They'll appreciate the extra effort.

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1. I've Been Feeling down Too

Being sympathetic is fine, but feeling down isn't the same thing as being depressed. This is one of the top things not to say to a depressed friend. It makes them feel as if you're dismissing their depression as a simple case of the blues. You can say you've been feeling down, but tell them you know it's not the same as what they're feeling. This lets them know you understand the difference.

2. It Could Be Worse

Yes, it could be worse, but when someone's depressed, it feels like it couldn't get any worse. Depression makes you feel extremely lonely and negative all the time. In your friend's eyes, it's already gotten worse. Telling it could be worse only makes them dwell on all the possible ways their depression could worsen. As a result, they feel even worse than before. Just offer to let them talk to you instead of trying to guilt them into feeling better.

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3. Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself

To you, it may seem like your friend is just feeling sorry for his or herself. Trust me, it's not what you think. If they could just stop feeling that way, they would. They can no more just stop how they're feeling than someone can magically make a migraine go away in the blink of an eye. It's extremely insensitive and alienates your friend. Instead, ask how you can help or just give them a hug to support them.

4. It's All in Your Head

Okay, in part, depression is kind of all in your head, but it's a mental illness, not a fleeting thought. Unless you've been depressed, it might be hard to understand that depression isn't a choice. It's a real illness that takes time to treat. If you don't understand, try researching what depression is before telling your friend what they should do. A little understanding goes a long way.

5. I Can't Handle It

First of all, you're not the one who's depressed. It's difficult to be friends with someone who's depressed. You feel helpless because you can't fix it for them. As hard as it is for you, imagine how much worse they feel. They are depressed as a way to make life harder for you. They need your support and compassion more than ever. Telling them you can't handle it takes away even more of the fragile hope they have left.

6. Life's Not Always Fair

Life isn't always fair, but your friend already knows this. They don't know why they're the one dealing with depression when others aren't. Saying this is like scolding a child who didn't do anything wrong. There will be times they claim life isn't fair. It's just a statement of fact. It's your job to remind them things will get better. Tell them they're not the only one going through something like this and that eventually, they will feel like themselves again.

7. Just Deal with It

No matter what medications or treatments a person tries, they still have to deal with depression every day until things start to get better. They're already dealing and they don't need someone they care about callously telling them to simply push depression aside and deal with it like it's no big deal. Depression is a big deal. Support your friend and help them deal. It's really all you can do.

Depression is a serious illness that affects millions. It might not seem real unless you've experienced it yourself, but to your friend it's a very real enemy that seems impossible to conquer some days. Be as sensitive as possible and let them know you care. What other things shouldn't you say to someone who's depressed?

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Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

“Saying “you don’t have anything to be depressed about, your life is great” is like saying “what do you mean have asthma, there is loads of air in here.”

No depression is not contagious - you can't just catch it like a damn cold! People with depression develop it, whether it be from past experiences, what their life has been/is like growing up, whether a recent event triggers it.. But mainly it's something inside that person, something that can't be controlled. :( a depressant can cry and not even know why :( I've been there and I've got friends and family that have too.. It makes me mad when people have the audacity to say things like 'she's an attention seeker' or 'she's just crazy' - small minded people will say shit like this and I have no time for individuals like that.. A depressed person could be smiling on the outside but crying on the inside - no one knows what happens behind closed doors and that is you should never judge a persons feelings.. Whether you know them or not.. Sorry for the essay, just felt I needed to air it :) x

Thank you..i just out from relationship, my ex have dysthymia depression.. Wonderful guy but he drives me crazy.. Pushed me away and Sometimes I feel depressed too

Thanks, good advice.

Than whot should a person say ??

worst thing to say? 'I don't love you anymore'. Thanks, that really helps!

Thank you for writing this.

My friends need to read this post but if they did they would disown me and go against it we need to start teaching younger children the consequences of not fully supporting friends in rough times and not to always feel sorry for only themselves

They are the only ones who can get themselves out of it. Been there,done that as probably have most of us. Try not to commiserate too much with the depressed one but suggest they count their blessings and abilities helps no end. Can they walk? Can they see ? Can they read and write ? Having a laugh together helps more than being afraid to upset them .

Depression is contagious?

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