What are some hints you might be suffering emotional abuse? People often think of abuse in a relationship as only being physical, but an emotionally abusive partner can do a lot of damage. Emotional abuse can destroy your self-confidence, yet make you think that you can't cope without the person who's doing it to you. These people can be very clever. Here are some of the hints you might be suffering emotional abuse …

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1. You've Been Isolated

One of the hints you might be suffering emotional abuse is if your partner has managed to isolate you from family and friends. They want to have all your attention and make you dependent on them alone. A warning sign could be that they've persuaded you to move away from your home town, so that you've got nobody else to turn to, or that they get jealous when you want to spend time with other people.

2. Deflecting the Blame

Does your partner always manage to make you feel that you're at fault? Or do they actually blame you outright? Abusers like to deflect the blame and turn it around to make you feel that you've done something wrong, even when they're the one who's at fault. They'll often do this as a distraction and make it all about you and your perceived faults.

3. Checking up

It's one thing calling to check if you'll be home for dinner, and another to check up on your whereabouts all the time. If your partner wants to know where you are every minute of the day, they're being unreasonable. You don't have to explain where you are all the time; if they don't trust you then they shouldn't be in a relationship with you.

4. Over Critical

Emotional abusers may also wear down your self-confidence by criticising everything that you do. I speak from personal experience, having a family member that destroyed my self-confidence by sneering at everything I said or did. A partner who is overly critical and makes you feel that your appearance, achievements or opinions are wrong is definitely being emotionally abusive.

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5. Finances

Some people are happy to let their partner take care of finances, and it can work very well if they're more responsible with money than you are. But if your partner is dictating what you do with your money, there's a problem. Controlling partners may tell you off for how you spend your money, or try to actually take control of finances against your will.

6. Making Fun

Does your partner make fun of you even though it upsets you? Do they say things like 'it's just a joke, have a sense of humor'? Someone who cares about you won't make fun of you when you make it clear that you don't like it; an abusive person ignores your feelings.

7. Guilt Trips

Finally, does your partner attempt to guilt trip you so that they can get their own way? If they insist you'd do what they want if you loved them, or imply that you'll be at fault, they're trying to manipulate you. And anyone who threatens to harm themselves unless you do what they want has a major problem.

Emotional abuse doesn't just happen in relationships; it can also happen in families. So keep alert for signs that it could be happening to you. Have you ever known someone who's manipulative?

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Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

Erica
2016-01-26T19:44:03.158Z
I'm 27 and I've been seeing someone consistently but on and off for a year now; he's 10 years older than me but I'm pretty mature for my age so I never saw age as a factor in our relationship. I noticed along the way my guy had a lot of hurt inside of him and he dealt with things in heightened level of anger or emotion. If I didn't call him at the end of the night and instead of him just calling me he would call and start an argument on why I didn't call him, stating I must not care to speak to him, etc. In the beginning he was a blessing in disguise. He built me up and showed me how I deserved to be treated like a princess or queen that I am. Put me first and that was something I wasn't use to in my past relationships, but as our connection grew and relationship continued to move forward we would get into irrational arguments over the most dumbest things, for instance if he says the sky is blue and I say well no not right now it's a bit grey, he goes from 0-10 and it turns into me over thinking something or being extra. We're now at a point where he puts me down for things I don't do for him or calls me selfish. When we're good were good, we get along great he makes me laugh, made me feel very comfortable early on and I can talk to him about anything except when I say something that he thinks sounds dumb or doesn't make sense. He makes it his job to get upset about it and make sure I know it's dumb and doesn't make sense. In the end making me feel crappy and my spirit broken because we were just happy now we're in a situation. He's good guy with a really big heart and I think the passion in him comes off strong and the people in his life before me have enabled him to think how he handles things are okay because they back down from him instead of correcting him. I have a big mouth and I use it; if I feel a way I will speak on it and that's where we differ. I know I challenge who he is because as much as he doesn't want to explain himself or his actions he does time and time again. I know he cares for me deeply, but I also know he has some work to do with himself as well. I think I've finally reached a point to walk away from him for good without giving into my feelings. Just hoping that my absence in his life will make him see his faults and take accountability to make a change for the better for himself, possibly for me or possibly for the next woman that walks into his life.
Vanity
2015-01-21T04:51:09.811Z
@holls thank you. I have a terrible feeling in my gut. I tend to see the good in people, which is sometimes not the best thing for me. I badly want to share this post with him, but I'm afraid he'll feel like I'm attacking him and then say that he isn't like that. I was in a physically abusive relationship for 2 &1/2 years before my current relationship of 10 months. I feel like I'm smarter this time around, it doesn't feel the same... But maybe I'm not seeing the signs. It's hard to initiate a break up, especially when I'm afraid to make a mistake. What if he's the one and I'm supposed to help him see things clearly. Thanks again for the advice.
Splashhhh
2015-01-20T21:53:48.378Z
When a person is in such relationship and they have kids it gets waaaay worse couse it effect the kids alot znd they treat there children the same way unfortunatly
Cecile
2015-01-20T17:11:52.381Z
My dad
Hollie
2015-01-20T17:46:00.962Z
I think I'm guilty of a few of these. Better to realise now rather than later
holls
2015-01-21T01:54:14.290Z
@vanity : To be honest, only he has the power to change his habits. I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship and he never wanted to get better. I had to be the one who made all the changes. (Even though it wasn't all my fault.) I don't have the experience of someone changing their habits but generally most abusers don't. My ex's dad was (and I imagine still is) emotionally abusive and that's where my ex learned those habits. So unless he comes to you and tells you he's getting counselling to get better, take his words with a grain of salt for now. I wish I had better advice to give you.
mona
2015-01-21T06:33:55.474Z
@vanity hey, I read your post and just thought a word from experience might help. I have been with a man with all of the above characteristics listed above for almost 2 years, he was my first boyfriend and I gave in to him for everything to make him happy, always felt like I was walking on eggshells. Initiating the break up is hard, and trust me I understand that, but believe me, they don't change. Even if they tell you they have, it's only about time until they snap back into the same cycle because it is who they are. And the thing you mentioned about your GUT, it's true, pay attention to it, don't ignore it, I did and it left me heart broken in ways I can't explain. Don't be afraid about making a mistake, Cus even if it is one, it's still your life and you get to choose what you do with it! I hope it helped a little bit, good luck! :)
Jasmine
2015-01-24T17:11:29.092Z
I do this sometimes unintentionally 😔
Sara
2015-01-21T12:56:28.212Z
*list
vanity
2015-01-20T18:14:43.772Z
I'm shocked that my boyfriend does many of these things listed. But can the abuse only continue of you allow it? I constantly nip all of these bad behaviors in the butt as soon as I recognize them. I'm not someone you can manipulate and I strongly believe that I've made that clear I my boyfriend. Once you get passed what I call "his insecurities" he is truly a great guy I can see myself being with in the long run. I blame his past relationships, because I think that's where he picked up these bad habits. Does anyone have any experience with changing their own bad habits, such as the ones listed above, or their partners ? HELP!