7 Hints You Might Be Suffering Emotional Abuse ...

What are some hints you might be suffering emotional abuse? People often think of abuse in a relationship as only being physical, but an emotionally abusive partner can do a lot of damage. Emotional abuse can destroy your self-confidence, yet make you think that you can't cope without the person who's doing it to you. These people can be very clever. Here are some of the hints you might be suffering emotional abuse …

1 You've Been Isolated

One of the hints you might be suffering emotional abuse is if your partner has managed to isolate you from family and friends. They want to have all your attention and make you dependent on them alone. A warning sign could be that they've persuaded you to move away from your home town, so that you've got nobody else to turn to, or that they get jealous when you want to spend time with other people.

2 Deflecting the Blame

Does your partner always manage to make you feel that you're at fault? Or do they actually blame you outright? Abusers like to deflect the blame and turn it around to make you feel that you've done something wrong, even when they're the one who's at fault. They'll often do this as a distraction and make it all about you and your perceived faults.

3 Checking up

It's one thing calling to check if you'll be home for dinner, and another to check up on your whereabouts all the time. If your partner wants to know where you are every minute of the day, they're being unreasonable. You don't have to explain where you are all the time; if they don't trust you then they shouldn't be in a relationship with you.

4 Over Critical

Emotional abusers may also wear down your self-confidence by criticising everything that you do. I speak from personal experience, having a family member that destroyed my self-confidence by sneering at everything I said or did. A partner who is overly critical and makes you feel that your appearance, achievements or opinions are wrong is definitely being emotionally abusive.

5 Finances

Some people are happy to let their partner take care of finances, and it can work very well if they're more responsible with money than you are. But if your partner is dictating what you do with your money, there's a problem. Controlling partners may tell you off for how you spend your money, or try to actually take control of finances against your will.

6 Making Fun

Does your partner make fun of you even though it upsets you? Do they say things like 'it's just a joke, have a sense of humor'? Someone who cares about you won't make fun of you when you make it clear that you don't like it; an abusive person ignores your feelings.

7 Guilt Trips

Finally, does your partner attempt to guilt trip you so that they can get their own way? If they insist you'd do what they want if you loved them, or imply that you'll be at fault, they're trying to manipulate you. And anyone who threatens to harm themselves unless you do what they want has a major problem.

Emotional abuse doesn't just happen in relationships; it can also happen in families. So keep alert for signs that it could be happening to you. Have you ever known someone who's manipulative?

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Comments

Erica I'm 27 and I've been seeing someone consistently but on and off for a year now; he's 10 years older than me but I'm pretty mature for my age so I never saw age as a factor in our relationship. I noticed along the way my guy had a lot of hurt inside of him and he dealt with things in heightened level of anger or emotion. If I didn't call him at the end of the night and instead of him just calling me he would call and start an argument on why I didn't call him, stating I must not care to speak to him, etc. In the beginning he was a blessing in disguise. He built me up and showed me how I deserved to be treated like a princess or queen that I am. Put me first and that was something I wasn't use to in my past relationships, but as our connection grew and relationship continued to move forward we would get into irrational arguments over the most dumbest things, for instance if he says the sky is blue and I say well no not right now it's a bit grey, he goes from 0-10 and it turns into me over thinking something or being extra. We're now at a point where he puts me down for things I don't do for him or calls me selfish. When we're good were good, we get along great he makes me laugh, made me feel very comfortable early on and I can talk to him about anything except when I say something that he thinks sounds dumb or doesn't make sense. He makes it his job to get upset about it and make sure I know it's dumb and doesn't make sense. In the end making me feel crappy and my spirit broken because we were just happy now we're in a situation. He's good guy with a really big heart and I think the passion in him comes off strong and the people in his life before me have enabled him to think how he handles things are okay because they back down from him instead of correcting him. I have a big mouth and I use it; if I feel a way I will speak on it and that's where we differ. I know I challenge who he is because as much as he doesn't want to explain himself or his actions he does time and time again. I know he cares for me deeply, but I also know he has some work to do with himself as well. I think I've finally reached a point to walk away from him for good without giving into my feelings. Just hoping that my absence in his life will make him see his faults and take accountability to make a change for the better for himself, possibly for me or possibly for the next woman that walks into his life.
Vanity Hi ladies. I just wanted to share with you that this post really was an eye opener, so much that I did break things off with my boyfriend of 10 months. I first packed all my thing and secretly took them from his place, then I told him we were on a break on a Saturday morning, and the very next Saturday I met him to break up with him in person at a restaurant. I was surprised that he had written me a 14 page letter explaining why he understood that I was breaking up with him and all of his faults that he desperately needed to work on. I had never seen him cry or beg so hard for another chance although we had apart broken up several times for his emotionally abusive personality and insecurities. Despite all he had put me through something deep down in my gut that had once told me I should leave him, was now telling me that I was making the wrong choice. I felt that knot in my throat kind of feeling and I decided to re-read his letter full of ideas that would help fix our relationship. I gave him another chance and I have not regretted it yet. We have been back together for the last 3 weeks and it's been magical. We are open with each other, he is so damn sweet and affectionate (something he struggled with before), he has begun seeing a therapist to aid him in over coming past personal struggles as well as healing wounds from past relationships. His best idea was to tell each other each day something we like about one another and something about our past, and it's really done wonders for us. I know that we will have arguments like any other relationship, but we are willing to communicate things that bother each other and it's very helpful. He is trying so hard to change his ways, and I can tell that this man wants to serve me the world on a silver platter. If this isn't love then I'm not sure I'll ever know what it is, we truly make each other want to be better human beings. PS - I showed him this article the day we met at a restaurant to break up and to my surprise he didn't deny any of the things listed... I guess that's how I knew that there was hope. I hope that he will be my "Happy Ending."
Vanity @Mona I just read your response, thank you. Your words have really given me courage. I plan to stand up for myself and be honest, I don't think we're meant to be. This girl is not going to settle!
Jasmine I do this sometimes unintentionally 😔
Beryl Always remember there are plenty more fish in the sea and pebbles on the beach. Be by yourself is better than being with the wrong person who does not value you. Pick yourself up,dust yourself down and start afresh without this person in your life. Life is too short for being the doormat.
Sara *list
Sara My parents abuse me emotionally all the time and this lust completely fits them
mona @vanity hey, I read your post and just thought a word from experience might help. I have been with a man with all of the above characteristics listed above for almost 2 years, he was my first boyfriend and I gave in to him for everything to make him happy, always felt like I was walking on eggshells. Initiating the break up is hard, and trust me I understand that, but believe me, they don't change. Even if they tell you they have, it's only about time until they snap back into the same cycle because it is who they are. And the thing you mentioned about your GUT, it's true, pay attention to it, don't ignore it, I did and it left me heart broken in ways I can't explain. Don't be afraid about making a mistake, Cus even if it is one, it's still your life and you get to choose what you do with it! I hope it helped a little bit, good luck! :)
Vanity @holls thank you. I have a terrible feeling in my gut. I tend to see the good in people, which is sometimes not the best thing for me. I badly want to share this post with him, but I'm afraid he'll feel like I'm attacking him and then say that he isn't like that. I was in a physically abusive relationship for 2 &1/2 years before my current relationship of 10 months. I feel like I'm smarter this time around, it doesn't feel the same... But maybe I'm not seeing the signs. It's hard to initiate a break up, especially when I'm afraid to make a mistake. What if he's the one and I'm supposed to help him see things clearly. Thanks again for the advice.
holls @vanity : To be honest, only he has the power to change his habits. I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship and he never wanted to get better. I had to be the one who made all the changes. (Even though it wasn't all my fault.) I don't have the experience of someone changing their habits but generally most abusers don't. My ex's dad was (and I imagine still is) emotionally abusive and that's where my ex learned those habits. So unless he comes to you and tells you he's getting counselling to get better, take his words with a grain of salt for now. I wish I had better advice to give you.
vanity @southernbelle thanks, I think. I was more looking for advice about my situation, not just my grammar. But really is there anyone who has experienced there partner recognizing and fixing these terrible habits??
Splashhhh When a person is in such relationship and they have kids it gets waaaay worse couse it effect the kids alot znd they treat there children the same way unfortunatly
Spa These are excellent points. I was in the same boat that a lot of you were in: emotionally abusive bf and it seemed like there was no way out. And I thought I loved him. But I'm telling you, it is much better to be alone than with that person. Start making plans on how to move out and away from them and BE SAFE!! I wish I didn't suffer for three years with that guy. Actually this site opened my eyes to what he was doing. It's not healthy and he's no good for you. You need to heal away from him, if you've raised concerned and he won't stop its time to get serious about it. My thoughts are with anyone going through this ❤️
Alex My ex was like that. Always putting me down, always asking me to lend him money and never paying me back. Always saying nasty things about my family and being so two-faced. Being nice to my face in public and then being nasty in private. He put me through hell for almost 5 years. Thank God it's over between us both but it made me feel so scared about trusting someone again. I hated all men for a while until now. I've finally found someone who doesn't have a bad bone in his body but who is just full of love for me. Always caring, understanding, everything that I've ever wanted in a man. I feel so blessed that I've found him and I never can imagine going through all the hell my ex put me through. I won't ever forget it but it will always be a life lesson I'll always learn.
Liv2sport_01 My boyfriend does close to all of these things to me almost every day! I don't know what to do about it I've tried telling him how he's being and he just tells me it's not that way. I am stuck trying to figure out what I should do? We have a ten month old son and he was a great person and still is a great person to other people. I can't stand to be around him any more but I do still love him.
vanity I'm shocked that my boyfriend does many of these things listed. But can the abuse only continue of you allow it? I constantly nip all of these bad behaviors in the butt as soon as I recognize them. I'm not someone you can manipulate and I strongly believe that I've made that clear I my boyfriend. Once you get passed what I call "his insecurities" he is truly a great guy I can see myself being with in the long run. I blame his past relationships, because I think that's where he picked up these bad habits. Does anyone have any experience with changing their own bad habits, such as the ones listed above, or their partners ? HELP!
Hollie I think I'm guilty of a few of these. Better to realise now rather than later
Sapna I have suffered from one partner who had these issues n trust me ain't good emotional soon spins off to physical luckily I broke up with him
Cecile My dad