Dealing with a miscarriage at any stage of a pregnancy is not easy. Becoming pregnant means huge emotional and physical changes, and the end of that pregnancy then leaves you facing disappointment, a sense of loss, and the worry that you will never be a parent. Yet there is often a lack of recognition by medical staff and people around you of the impact of miscarriage. So here are some tips on dealing with a miscarriage – they can also help if someone you know suffers one …
The first point when dealing with a miscarriage is to remember that you have suffered a loss. It may only have been weeks into the pregnancy, and you may not even have had your first scan yet. But that baby will have been very real to you and already a part of your life. So even if the pregnancy wasn’t that advanced, you’ve every right to feel a sense of loss.
Miscarriages aren’t usually investigated until a woman has suffered a few. It can still be useful to talk to your doctor, though – they can reassure you that you did nothing to cause the miscarriage. They can also advise you on anything you can do to help your health in subsequent pregnancies.
It can be tempting to try to “replace” your lost baby straight away, but it is best to wait before trying to conceive again. Your body needs time to recover (there is always a reason for a miscarriage), and you also need time to grieve for your lost child. So don’t rush into another pregnancy; wait until you are emotionally and physically ready.
When dealing with a miscarriage, it can help to be aware that your chances of a successful subsequent pregnancy are good. Miscarriage is distressing, but it happens because for some reason the pregnancy isn’t viable. The majority of women who suffer one go on to have a healthy child, so don’t assume that you’ll never have the child you long for.
If you need to talk to someone, then find a sympathetic ear. Whether it’s a doctor or counsellor, your mum or best friend, it’s important to tell people how you feel. Don’t bottle up your feelings. And don’t forget that your partner may need to talk as well – just because he wasn’t carrying the baby doesn’t mean that he isn’t upset.
Another point to remember when dealing with a miscarriage is that your feelings are perfectly valid. Others may think that if you lose a baby at a very early stage, it’s not as big a deal as if it were later on in the pregnancy. You are entitled to feel whatever you feel, so if you are sad, don’t listen to anyone who tells you pull yourself together (in fact, that’s a dumb thing to tell anyone whatever the circumstances!).
When you’ve suffered a miscarriage, you’re bound to be anxious in future pregnancies. Try to relax, even if it is easier said than done. As I’ve already mentioned, most women do have a baby later on, so enjoy your pregnancy and don’t spend the entire time fretting that something will go wrong. This is a different situation, and there is no reason, unless you have a medical issue, why the same thing should happen again.
Dealing with a miscarriage is difficult, and brings so many emotions. However, it’s important to remember that they are surprisingly common (many women have an early-stage miscarriage without even realising that they are pregnant). So miscarriage doesn’t mean that you will never be a mum. Have you ever experienced a miscarriage, and how did people react – was there a lack of sympathy and advice just to try again?
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